we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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