Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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