I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
