I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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