This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
