i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
