your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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