I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
