I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
