Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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