That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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