Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
