Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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