it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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