i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BRING THE BAGELS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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