It's Friday. Sex?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
