P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
