I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
two words...techno handjob
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
