we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My cat gives me a boner
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
