I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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