i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You made out with two different species that night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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