You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
kristin has been a bad kristin
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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