So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just forgot I was standing up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
