Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
