Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
