she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just invented taco cereal.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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