your thong is hanging out like whoa
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
