pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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