ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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