He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
