True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
