she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
