im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
