just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
