did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found your dick twin last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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