he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
