i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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