that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
