I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
