life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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