the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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