I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
