need another drink. this is the easiest way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
