People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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