dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
