Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
