I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
