I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize