my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
