My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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