Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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