sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
