My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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