update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
