Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
