She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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