Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
