he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
