Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
