She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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