found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize