So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
