It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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