she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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