Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
