genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
