NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
