I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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