and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
