From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
