"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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