Need sex. Gaining weight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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