Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
