You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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